So Low

somehow I feel like a very very very 'low' human being now
it hurts somewhere
is it the heart? or maybe the lung?
or maybe it's deep inside... the place where none of a human being could reach
it's trapped beyond the blurred darkness
it's been dying since then
both the eyes and the heart could no longer see and feel
it makes its own prison
now they're being locked in a invisible one-room cage
something is going to flow out from this self
a terrifying unidentified emotion
emotion which doesn't show a thing but resemble many things
the weight of the burden

looking at the screen... there laying this dead body
left with nothing remains

what is this feeling orz

a-a-a
test test //no
e-ehm //juststop

...
...well
I don't even know why should I write about this in the first place

[warning: full of broken english (maybe) since this is kinda complicated for me]

so...
...
aaaa I don't know where to start
everything is just so...
hmm ok just start from the beginning of all this weird things
tbh I won't tell everything straightforward since tbh (again) I don't really want people to know myself
the purpose of this blog and all of its posts are to make me remember the old me
just that.. and that's enough for me
my future self, do you understand that?
I don't need anyone to come visit this blog and read my posts
I just want myself to read this again someday
maybe my future self will laugh or cry or whatever
it have no bussiness with the me right now

so...
I've been in a super bad mood since last hours and that's because my aown fault so I have no one to blame
but I'm kinda stressed and don't know what to do and I feel like this world would end.. no, not really, just kidding..
I just feel like I want to cry but my eyes won't lol
and somehow at that timing my hand started to move on its own //noway
and I strarted draw my inner self (?) on a canvas (paint tool sai canvas to be exact) and it turned out quite.. hmm... good maybe
and I draw more and more and everything turned out to be my own self (in many ways)
kinda dark, gloomy, sad, lonely
well I admit that I'm actually that kind of person but still looking at that kind of drawing sometimes makes me want to smile a litte
laughing at that dumb side of me
ah and then I also try to draw my emotion into a character and I add another character and I quite like the result and now I'm trying to continue that drawing and add some background story
it sounds kinda interesting so I want to give it a go
when I start drawing, my heart feels kinda... well I can't really explain it but maybe it's happiness? It hurts tho ww
well I think I should take a rest for a moment, otherwise my heart won't be able to take it lol since what I am drawing it soooo cute and beautiful and yet make me have a broken heart, really
but it's fine, I love it that way
so just fighting for this new.... hmm "project", maybe

okay I thinks that's enough
bye bye for now
I'll be back when something interesthing happened


clue: it's about crythm. don't forget it, okay?

Koi no Mahou wa Merorurira ☆ SoraMafu Mahou Shoujo After the ☆ Rain [Romaji Lyrics]

【Koi no Mahou wa Merorurira】

meroru ☆ merorurorira ☆

koi no merorurira ☆

mahou no hāmonī ☆

kotoba nanoni rarurerira ☆

jumon o tonaeru no ☆

kimi mo merorurorira ☆
koi no merorurira ☆
itsu datte koishiteru ☆
kono mahou wa naoranai ☆
tonaete merorurira ☆

【恋の魔法はメロルリラ】

メロリ☆メロルロリラ☆

恋のメロルリラ☆

魔法のハーモニー☆

言葉なのにラルレリラ☆

呪文を唱えるの☆

君もメロルロリラ☆

恋のメロルリラ☆

いつだって恋してる☆

この魔法は治らない☆

唱えてメロルリラ☆

got the original lyrics from twitter

amg everything is so cute... can't believe that's soraru's voice www mafu's voice is still noticeable though >w<

decided to find the lyrics and sing it happily~ I even recorded it >///<

maybe I'll upload it to my soundcloud later uvu

; ;

pada akhirnya... semuanya akan pergi
semua yang ada di hadapanmu akan berbalik dan menjauh...
semuanya...
bahkan mungkin suatu saat dirimu sendiri pun akan hilang
mengkhianati ragamu yang tinggal dalam kesepian
... dalam kebohongan... yang tak bisa dipungkiri merupakan suatu kenyataan
irama mangalun dalam sunyi
di balik rasa kelam yang menyelimuti senyuman
menguak tetesan kecil yang perlahan semakin deras mengalir
membasahi ujung yang tak bisa tersenyum lagi
dalam bodohnya dunia rasa sesal tak pernah lenyap
mengabaikan masa depan yang seharusnya dijalani
menghapus tapak yang bahkan belum terjadi
meninggalkan ruang tanpa makna di dalam gua tak bernyawa
...
...
...
bohong
bodoh
pergi
kenapa
sendiri
palsu
haruskah
perlukah
dimana
kosong
menatap
aku
kamu
kami
kita
dia
mereka
teman
...
penipu.