what is this feeling orz

a-a-a
test test //no
e-ehm //juststop

...
...well
I don't even know why should I write about this in the first place

[warning: full of broken english (maybe) since this is kinda complicated for me]

so...
...
aaaa I don't know where to start
everything is just so...
hmm ok just start from the beginning of all this weird things
tbh I won't tell everything straightforward since tbh (again) I don't really want people to know myself
the purpose of this blog and all of its posts are to make me remember the old me
just that.. and that's enough for me
my future self, do you understand that?
I don't need anyone to come visit this blog and read my posts
I just want myself to read this again someday
maybe my future self will laugh or cry or whatever
it have no bussiness with the me right now

so...
I've been in a super bad mood since last hours and that's because my aown fault so I have no one to blame
but I'm kinda stressed and don't know what to do and I feel like this world would end.. no, not really, just kidding..
I just feel like I want to cry but my eyes won't lol
and somehow at that timing my hand started to move on its own //noway
and I strarted draw my inner self (?) on a canvas (paint tool sai canvas to be exact) and it turned out quite.. hmm... good maybe
and I draw more and more and everything turned out to be my own self (in many ways)
kinda dark, gloomy, sad, lonely
well I admit that I'm actually that kind of person but still looking at that kind of drawing sometimes makes me want to smile a litte
laughing at that dumb side of me
ah and then I also try to draw my emotion into a character and I add another character and I quite like the result and now I'm trying to continue that drawing and add some background story
it sounds kinda interesting so I want to give it a go
when I start drawing, my heart feels kinda... well I can't really explain it but maybe it's happiness? It hurts tho ww
well I think I should take a rest for a moment, otherwise my heart won't be able to take it lol since what I am drawing it soooo cute and beautiful and yet make me have a broken heart, really
but it's fine, I love it that way
so just fighting for this new.... hmm "project", maybe

okay I thinks that's enough
bye bye for now
I'll be back when something interesthing happened


clue: it's about crythm. don't forget it, okay?