so .. i ended up like this again...

nee.. it's wrong to be like this?
when i have choose my path...
when i try to smile and walk on my own
but behind that.. someone hate me
this kind of me..
actually.. are we living here now for other people's sake?
if everything's keep going on like this...
how should i live my life?
can't i even have my own dream?
as long as it's a good thing... nothing it's wrong right?
i'm being selfish
wanting my own life
i don't like people interfering in my wish and my dream in a bad way
but i just need..
i just need a little hand
maybe..
as i guess... it's really hard to understand a people like me
am i even a normal people?
i can't really tell it myself
"i'm fine by myself"
"it's allright"
"i don't need it"
"if just i can..."
"what should i do?"
"people are living behind their own lies.. even myself..."
"is it wrong.. crying like this?"
"and I've said it with a big smile like i'm really a happy one"
"seems like all the courage have been disappeared"
"it's fine.. to just follow this annoying feeling?"
there's too many to be mentioned
i just couldn't like it
when everyone act like they understand about me
when i'm so happy
and in the end.. they'll just use me for their own sake...
and they just show me a smile.. and then...
they'll leave me
they prefer not to talk with me
and i really don't like myself that can't do anything about it
and i keep lying to myself
i keep smile and smile
i can't even say it
but isn't the important thing...  how to make me love myself?
make me enjoy my own self?
it's not like i don't want to move on
i just love it.. for being like this
i have friends..
it's not that much but i believe in them
and they can make me happy for sure
and as long as we can make it together...
i don't think it's bad for me
so it's fine to keep it like this...
and as the time flows...
i can slowly make another happiness and fulfill my wish and make my dreams come true
and... is that bad?